Regardless of the amount of pickles that Zonar had dropped down the back of his pants, J decided to keep him on as the representative of his case. J had been tolerant. However, he had become concerned that, just like everyone he had ever met in his entire life, Zonar was fucked in the head. The problem was that J had willingly allowed to let his case fail initially, but now had decided the best thing to do was get the fuck out of jail as soon as possible because it was pure hell most of the time. He was completely out of oregano. It was bad enough that on the first day in court Zonar had ranted on for hours about how J had no doubt been the murderer of Grater (to every onlooker’s complete amazement), but then he continued to blame not only the Manson murders but also the Jewish holocaust on him. Zonar had the habit of shouting “Objection!” to everyone including the judge, the witnesses and the stenographer, which really got on everyone’s nerves. He would also execute the most daring Motown moves during a cross examination in mid sentence and often fart violently in the direction of the prosecution when he was upset.
 
  The verdict was in.
  “Guilty,” said Judge Ol’ Man Liver.
  “Innocent,” said Judge Byrnes.
  “What are you talking about?” asked Ol’ Man Liver.
  “What are you talking about?” asked Judge Byrnes.
  “He’s guilty!”
  “I refute that statement.”
  “Pardon me...”
  “I said I refute that statement. On the obvious grounds that the defendant Mr J is a delicate, and somewhat, sensitive flower. He is possessed of a rare beauty that I have only ever known once in another being. Mr J, I would like to marry you.”
  J nodded at the Judge politely.
  “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
  “Yes I fucking well am. And so are you.”
  “Anyway, suffice to say the defendant is found guilty of soliciting my fellow judge and is condemned to rot in prison for all eternity!”
  Zonar dropped his pants and screamed.
  *sigh* thought J.
  Zonar was a stupid cunt.